Hey Jeremy, I thought that your cover page was very interesting. I think that it would be a bit more captivating if there was just one picture and if it was a bit larger. The two small pictures left the page feeling a little empty. As for the introduction page, I like the photo that you chose to use. It is a beautiful representation of Persephone! I also like how you set the seen through her eyes before actually introducing her as the narrator. I think that it will be interesting to see how your stories unfold. Having taken Latin in high school and learning a lot about Greek mythology, it will be fun to reread these stories through Persephone's eyes! I also think that it is fun to make Persephone's life as Hades wife in the underworld a bit more modern by having her work in a funeral home with her mother. One thing that I think you should add in your introduction is the characters that you will be talking about in your stories. I saw that your first one is of Achilles, but adding his name into the introduction would be good for the students who do not get to read all of your storybook to be able to know who all you plan to talk about!
Jeremy, you have taken a unique approach with the Storybook, and I love it. My family has owned a funeral home in Advance, MO for about 100 years, and the stories that my uncles and cousins tell me blow me away. In your case, the thought of encountering someone I had embalmed beforehand makes me reflect on how we treat people after they die. Do the spirits thank you? Do they feel slighted that you didn't treat them better? There are plenty of cool questions to consider. I'm sure police departments would love to have an Underworld informant like Persephone. I can't imagine getting better testimony from a victim who has nothing to lose upon his or her death.
The color scheme of your coverpage and site seem to work well with the theme, and it looks like you chose appropriate images to back up the main idea. However, is there anyway you can limit the amount of white that shoes up with the images? I ask because I've encountered a similar problem with my coverpage. The outline of white tends to discourage me from choosing colored backgrounds. In any case, it is a very minor issue, and I do not think you should concern yourself with it too much.
Well Jeremy, you definitely got my attention after the first couple sentences! When Persephone was talking about preparing the dead bodies for their funerals and how she would see them every year for the rest of her life, it made me curious as to what she meant by that. I cannot wait to find out what that means. Your introduction is a perfect example of capturing the reader without telling them too much. That is exactly what the assignment called for, and you created an introduction that fit that criteria.
I also found it interesting that you decided to tell your storybook from the point of view of a coroner. It seems so dark and scary, and the colors of your site play perfectly on that theme.
I did find one typo in your introduction. The line "I used to by a beautiful, happy girl until I was captured while in a meadow." I am assuming you meant to say "I used to be..." but other than that little typo, your introduction and cover page look excellent. Great job and I look forward to knowing why Persephone will see all these dead bodies every year for the rest of her life!
Hey Jeremy, I think you might be better off with a bigger, more exciting picture for your cover page. A short explanation of the pictures may also be worth adding. The theme you chose is fitting as death is often associated with the color black. Your page has a very sleek vibe which I appreciate.
The tone that you use when speaking as Persephone contains humor and made me chuckle a few times throughout the story. I enjoyed the take on her job as that of a funeral home worker. Being surrounded by death constantly would wear down on anyone's bubbly personality. I hope the stories of the dying mortals contain the same level of humor shown in your introduction. My imagination is already running wild! While it is only my own preference, you may want to try messing with the pictures and the placement on the page. I enjoy them centered to the writing and find them more appealing to the eyes. During the introduction and the cover page, a larger picture may be more attractive to the reader. I was a little confused as to the point of view for the story. Is Persephone set in historical times similar to the original story or is she a more modern version? Why does she have to spend her time away from Hades surrounded by death? I would imagine she would try to take a break from all of that. Is that perhaps due to spending so much time with Hades and developing feelings due to the nature of the high stress situation? I look forward to reading your stories!
I have to start by telling you that I love the title you chose for your storybook! It caught my attention and I decided you’d be my extra post for the week! I loved your introduction. I felt the irritation of Persephone with her fate right away and I’m glad you explained why she doesn’t like her plot in life! I was wondering why the gods and goddesses plotted against her though. Could you maybe add that to your introduction? Other than that, it was awesome! I really enjoyed your first story, too. That was really good. The story of this battle is a rather long one, but you managed to sum it up in a timely manner and kept my attention through the whole explanation! You also added Persephone’s attitude and voice in very nicely. I could hear her sass in there a bit! And I loved how you had this whole story affect her, too! She had to deal with the mangled body of Hector in bringing him to the underworld, so she is connected to the entire thing! I really can’t wait to read the rest of you stories in here, I’m sure they’re going to be great!
Jeremy, while I liked the color scheme and general vibe that you achieved with your cover page, I didn’t see the connection between both of the pictures and I think you may be better off to put the second one somewhere else. Navigation was fine and everything was marked clearly. I thought it was good that you explained Persephone’s situation before you introduced her. However, when you referred to Persephone as a funeral director, I was confused about whether or not you were trying to bring the stories into present day or not. I think you could clarify that. The image that you used in your introduction was good. I also think using Persephone as a narrator will make it easy for you to transition from story to story.
The first thing I noticed about your first story was incongruent verb use in the second sentence. The sentence I’m referring to is: “From arrogant and selfish actions to interfering with my work, this story has plenty of details for us to explore!” If I remember correctly, you should either add a verb at the beginning (i.e. from performing arrogant and selfish actions) or modify the verb at the end (to interferences with my work) to make the two parts agree. I know that’s kind of a picky thing and I thought your writing was overall good!
I absolutely love Greek mythology, so you had me hooked from the get go! I like your overall premise too, because Greek mythology definitely has its fair share of tragic deaths. Persephone is a really interesting choice as your narrator. I am fairly familiar with her story, but I never knew that she was responsible for preparing the dead for their time in the underworld. It certainly gives her the perspective to comment on some of those famous deaths. You did a good job of giving enough of her back story that the reader will know who she is. I like the picture that you chose for her too. Your color scheme is dark and ominous which is totally fitting for the types of stories that you're telling.
Your first story is one of my favorite scenes from the Trojan War. Achilles definitely disrespects Hector's body, which is a huge no-no on those times. I think you did a good job of capturing how insulted Persephone would be due to Achilles' treatment of Hector's corpse. You have some minor grammar stuff that I saw, so it might help if you did a little more proofreading, but I thought it was really good overall.
Hey Jeremy! I really liked your theme the first time so I decided I had to come back for more! Right off the bat, one thing I noticed this time around was that you may want to change the title of your cover page. The full title of the overall website seems long and the extra lines in the navigation bar seem unnecessary. Perhaps a simple "Home" would suffice.
For your first story, I loved the detail you go into about the whole thing. I have never thought about the disrespecting of dead bodies as something that a culture would see as such a detriment to their condition in the afterlife. One theme that may have been unintended is that your actions will always have an affect on someone's opinion of you, whether the action is intended or not. It would behoove everyone to always act respectfully and have integrity throughout life.
One thing that I think could improve your story would be to add more pictures. With your changes to the geography of the situation, it would help to see what terrain and surroundings they were venturing through during their battle. Perhaps a picture of the soldiers retreating would be another addition.
Hey Jeremy, I really enjoyed your introduction! I could completely hear Persephone’s voice during the entire thing, and the complaining about her job was very humanizing, I mean who was not had someone complain to them am I right? Comparing the underworld to a funeral home was fantastic! The only other thing I would have thought of would have been the morgue, but that is not nearly as nice or comforting as a funeral home. Clarifying who she is, how she got there, and whom she was related to was incredibly helpful in understanding how exactly she was a Greek god and how she came to be. I would also like to note that I find it incredibly appropriate that you went with black as your theme color on your webpage… I mean we are talking about death, what better color to represent that! Your first story cracked me up! I love how she holds a grudge towards Achilles because he made her life and job so much more difficult! I could hear the annoyance in her voice. One thing I was slightly confused about was the ending to that story. So you talk about how Persephone was annoyed with Achilles, and the whole story is told by her, then all of the sudden her husband wants Achilles, yet there was nothing about her husband being aware of the incident. And wouldn’t she want nothing more than for Achilles to go down to the underworld too? All in all, I really enjoyed your stories! They were told very well and had great voice in them, especially in your main character. Looking forward to possibly reading more of your work in the future.
Hey Jeremy! What a great topic... I'm doing my storybook over Persephone as well! She's such an interesting character. I love it because I took a totally different direction than you, but I really like how you've created your storybook and stories. It's awesome that we can both take the same basic storyline but totally change how Persephone sees the events that happen. I'm sure you will read it soon for your comments, but in mine Persephone is more happy about where she ends up as Queen. I liked your overall theme and color choice, it is really fitting to the story and how you want to portray her feelings. I like your introduction and how you present her situation and how she feels about it. I think your first story was great! It really portrays the excitement and energy of battle. Her thoughts and feelings are really detailed and descriptive. One thing, I almost wish there was more mention of the gods in your first story. Hades is just mentioned in the end, but maybe you could include some commentary during about Hades seeing this? I know it mostly expresses Persephone's feelings, but since Hades is mentioned in the end it might be helpful to understand why Hades wants Achilles so badly. Overall, you made reading the story very entertaining and fun. I liked your second story as well. It was cool to see the intervention by the gods to change the original plot. I think it's a clever way to incorporate your characters into the story. I think you did a great job on this storybook! One suggestion might be to find more action-like pictures for the stories. Especially the first. But I know (from experience) that finding pictures of Persephone and the gods is really difficult, because most of them are painting or sculptures. I just think it might aid visually to your storyline. In general, I think you did a great job and made the stories interesting and entertaining. I look forward to reading more of them!
Jeremy, I just wanted to take a moment to say thank you for all of your positive feedback! I’m glad you found my storybook interesting and your comments made me feel like I was on the right track with all this! I did take your advice to sprinkle in some more commentary from the zoo animals, so thank you for that! I hope the rest of your semester goes smoothly!
Hey Jeremy, I just wanted to say thank you for all of your positive comments on my blog. You've given me good direction in both pointing out things that I should fix as well as positive encouragement for things that you feel I have done right. Thanks a bunch, man!
Jeremy, I chose to read your storybook as my bonus for this week because your title interested me the most. I love Greek Mythology and if there is ever a time or chance that I get to read stories about Greek Heroes then I’m all in.
I like you cover page. It looks dark and menacing for some reason, and the picture looks strange in an evil type of way. It looks like the devil or demon is guiding this young girl into making bad decisions. I don’t know, that is just my interpretation of it, but it looks great.
Your Introduction is great! Interesting how you made Persephone the main speaker of your storybook. I almost forgot that she was the “unwilling” wife of hades so I can only imagine that the hates to be in the underworld as well as her job. I think it is cool how you introduced the way you will be telling your different stories by letting Persephone tell all of the stories she heard from other souls while being in the underworld.
I know your first story very well and I find it interesting that you told it from Persephone’s point of view. Before when I read the original I was happy for Achilles the whole time. Now, I understand why Persephone would be so angry about the way Achilles treated Hector after he died. It sounds like something bad is going to happen. Your first story is great! Keep up the good work.
To start off, I love the picture you have for your cover page! It really sets your theme very well. Since Hades is the god of the underworld, it really makes since to have him on the cover page. I never really thought of Persephone as a funeral director. When she leaves the underworld for spring/summer, who takes over for her? You really have a fantastic introduction. It really captures the audience's attention. Your first story about Achilles and Hector almost makes me glad that someone hit his heel. However, it sounds like Hector was kind of a jerk as well. He didn't deserve Achilles celebrating his death though. I think it is interesting that you decided to tell this story in a present tense. I tried to do that in one of my stories and that was definitely a difficult task. I think it is interesting that you used another story with Achilles. You set it up pretty well at the end of the first story saying "my husband couldn't wait until the great Achilles entered his realm." I guess this showed the gods revenge. There are a lot of different tragic stories in Greek Mythology, and those stories are definitely some of my favorites. I am really looking forward to what other stories you will have Persephone share with us!
I wanted to first say that I really liked your cover page. I have a lot of friends that are into anime and I really liked that you used it in your cover page as an introduction to what your charters look like! Your color theme for your storybook worked very well for your theme. I like that it was very dark and somewhat ominous.
After I read your introduction I was pretty much hooked to keep reading. I think you did a really fantastic job in that aspect. I also really liked that you made Persephone the main speaker of your storybook project. I think that will be a wise decision.
I liked all of your stories that you have up! They were great. I read through them and I really do love the changes you have made to the originals. I think you are doing a great job with your storybook project! Keep up the good Work!
Your storybook has a pretty interesting theme, and I think that the home page fits it very well. I like the dark colors you use, and the drawing that you got looks more like a teenage romance novel than a Greek tragedy, but I like it. I am assuming from the picture that you will write about Persephone at some point, though I am not sure yet if you have based on your page titles.
Your introduction is cool, and it is a great idea to have Persephone as the narrator since she is the only live person to be able to see the dead so often in the Greek myths. I think you are missing a couple of commas but nothing too bad.
The first story of Hector getting killed by Achilles is one that I have had to read several times in school. I actually thought of this one while reading the intro, and I think it was a wise choice for this theme. I like the narrator complaining about the treatment of the body since she is supposed to work at a funeral home. Also, mentioning how Hades didn't like Achilles was a nice touch.
The second story was a good choice, since it is basically just the next major death in the storyline. I enjoyed how your narrator has consistently not like Achilles but still does not react much when he dies. She gives off the sense that she has spent so much time with the dead that she really understands it and its inevitability.
The third story definitely has more attitude from the narrator than the first two, but I like it. The order that you put them in is not chronological, but I think that these stories are popular enough that it doesn't really matter. And this way it gives the reader two different experiences to the same characters. At first they might not like Achilles, but after this story they may change their mind and decide that he was justified. Overall, you have done a really good job with these stories.
The cover page is really pretty, but I was a little confused as to why it was there. The title at the top “Stories of a Funeral Director” made me realize this is very much about Hades and so that cleared it up, but it’s a very romantic picture for a thing about tragic death.
Introduction has a wonderful opening line, absolutely fantastic! Oh, I was also apparently wrong, this is about Persephone and not Hades. Neat idea. I am also confused as to why Demeter runs a funeral home, but it may just be part of the world you created so whatever. Also, the intro ends on an oddly happy note compared to the rest of it. Little weird, but it works.
I wasn’t quite expecting the stories to all be centered around Achilles. In my opinion there are certainly more tragic deaths in Greek mythology than those ones, but your choices do make for a nice common theme. You tell the stories really well, and the touches of Persephone’s personal thoughts are wonderful. They sound like she’s actually telling them, and your tense and transitions are wonderfully handled.
Since you ended with both having a special position in the underworld, why not continue the Epic theme and tell of when Odysseus visits the underworld in book 11 of The Odyssey and has a chat with Achilles. You could have Persephone rant and rage about how arrogant Achilles is even in death.
Or, another option could be how Achilles ends up falling in love with Cassandra (the Amazonian queen) literally seconds before he kills her, and then starts in on his moping and crying again. You could do a more sympathetic view on this, or have Persephone completely unimpressed.
Hello Jeremy, I had the privilege of reading your story book this week. As far as your cover page is concerned, it looks good but almost a little too bare. You may consider adding something such as a quote or something along those lines to really bring it to life and make the reader more intrigued by what they will be reading. Also, you may want to change the sidebar on the left, because all of the words kind of mesh together and it makes it difficult to understand how many stories you have, and what it is labeled as. As far as your stories go, they are very well written and interesting. I especially liked your introduction. I thought it brought the main character to life and introduced what you would be talking about in the rest of your storybook. The first story however, you may want to consider changing the beginning of. There was almost way too much information thrown at the reader in the first few paragraphs. I understand you did that to catch the reader up, but it ended up just sounding confusing and making me not really want to continue reading. That information may be better as a note or something along those lines. Or maybe just consider condensing it more. Other than that I thought you did a great job on your storybook and you can tell you have put a lot of hard work into it! Great job and keep up the amazing work! :)
Jeremy, I have decided to read your storybook for my free choice this week. I am a fan of Greek mythology, so naturally I was drawn to your storybook. I was also interested in what would make the deaths so “fantastically tragic.” I like the welcome page to your storybook. The color schemes you have chosen are definitely dark and death-like. I also like the picture your have chosen. Based on the titles I see on the navigation bar, I don’t think I will be reading about Persephone and Hades, but Hades is always a harbinger of death. Also, the apple has many allusions to death. After reading the introduction, my beginning assumption that Persephone an Hades will not be involved was corrected. I like the background information you gave us on the storyteller. Now we know why she has so many stories about death. I do like how Persephone holds personal opinions about the event that transpire in “Achilles and the Treatment of Hector.” Even the title shifts emphasis to the part of the story that Persephone would focus her attention on. I was surprised to see that Achilles remained unharmed after his arrogant refusal of help from Athena. I think you’ve done a great job with your storybook!
I'm back to hear about some tragic Greek deaths! I remember reading your story about how Achilles treated Hector's body after he killed him, and I really enjoyed it, so I figured that I would come back to read about whoever is next to die. How fitting is it that Achilles' death follows Hector's? I think that that is great choice haha. I also really enjoy how Persephone is so disdainful of Paris. I, for one, definitely did not like Paris, and I completely think that he was not heroic at all. You are right though, he does kill Achilles, which is certainly something to be proud of. I really like Persephone's views on this whole ordeal. This story was great!
I'm so glad that you gave the back story of why Achilles was so angry with Hector! In some small way, it excuses Achilles behavior. In fact, I heard a lecture last year from a professor that thought Patroclus may have actually been Achilles' gay lover. That would definitely explain why Achilles was so mad about his death. I still don't think that Hector deserved to have his body treated so poorly, but I have no idea what Achilles was really feeling. Your stories are great, so keep it up!
Hey, Jeremy. Let me start by saying I like the layout of your cover page and your introduction page. The introduction made me so sad for Persephone. You said it perfectly that she is forever surrounded by death. She spends six months with Hades and her other six months are spent in the funeral home. What a completely morbid existence.
I enjoyed your first story of Achilles and Hector in the battle at Troy. This has long been a favorite story of mine as well from The Iliad. It’s great stuff and I think you taking “free rein,” as you said, of the details really added to the intensity of the moment.
I absolutely adore Greek mythology. My mother wrote an excellent paper on the topic when she was in college. It was so good that the professor extended her an invitation to go on an archaeological dig. So, reading your stories is a real joy for me. You definitely take the opportunity to make the stories your own, but you never fail to leave in the important details that make Greek Mythology so FANTASTIC!! Achilles is one of my favorite stories and if only Thetis had dunked him in completely, there would have been a totally different outcome in the Trojan War.
Great storytelling, Jeremy. I enjoyed your storybook very much.
Hi, Jeremy! I love the idea of your storybook. I love mythology, especially Greek, and am excited to see what you do with the theme. The picture on your cover page was great for the look of the storybook. Your introduction was interesting and made me want to continue reading. I love the idea of Persephone telling the stories of the deceased. You also did good giving some background on her life, which showed why she is such a great narrator for the stories.
One thing I noticed in the first story, is the print seems either smaller or a different font than the other pages. It’s a little harder to read than the others. Besides that, I thought the story was good. I liked the perspective that Persephone put on the story, especially at the end when you included how angry she was about Achilles tearing up the body.
Your second story was also well written. I do like that you included divine intervention in this story, especially after Persephone talked about how Paris wasn’t nearly the warrior Hector or Achilles was. I thought Apollo guiding the arrow was a great display of this. Also, you did great keeping in Persephone’s perspective and giving the background of why Achilles’ ankle was his only weakness.
Jeremy, I really liked reading your storybook this week! The title was a hook in and of itself; Greek mythology has always been a topic that has interested me, and there are certainly some great stories about both heroic and horrific deaths within that genre. The title page did a good job foreshadowing the storybook. I really liked the artwork that you chose--it was romantic in a haunting way, and (this may have been my imagination, but) I could almost see the sadness in Persephone's eyes, which you express and elaborate later on.
I liked that you set up your story so that Persephone was the narrator, and I thought it was interesting that you chose her profession to be a caretaker at a funeral home--how imaginative! Usually, when I think about Persephone, I picture a ruler of the underworld who doesn't do more than just sit in a throne. I like her storytelling style--the way you frame the rest of the tales is intriguing and makes the reader want to continue.
I appreciated the consistency in your tone and narration techniques. You established Persephone's voice at the beginning and the word choice and style are invariable throughout each story. Each tale was informative and it is clear that you researched the background to every story. I was really impressed by all the detail about Achilles's birth and childhood--that is not something that is commonly found in textbooks, and it was very interesting to learn about!
This week, I chose your story book as one of my free choices and I was so excited to read it! The name of your book really caught my eye when looking through the list. I am a big history buff so I was really intrigued that you were going to write diaries of famous individuals of society's greatest heroes.
I liked that the overall "look" of your blog is very simple. I think it is very easy to go overboard on the crazy colors, fonts, and images, but I liked that you kept it simple. Most journals and diaries are also quite simple so I think that was a nice touch whether you meant it that way or not.
Your introduction was awesome! What a fun way for the diary to be discovered! I love that you used a lot of dialogue. I think you did it really well, which is something I really struggle with in my storytelling, so I am very jealous of that!
In the individual stories, I LOVED that you kept the original frame story a part of them. That is something I really enjoy (I'm doing that in my storybook as well!) so I love when there is a story within a story. I think it is a really creative way for a story to be told through the eyes of another.
Overall, I think you did a really great job and I definitely enjoyed reading your story book!
I decided to come back and read more of your storybook and check out what you have gotten to add since I read last! I think it is really interesting that each story you have chosen has something to do with Achilles. When I first read the title of your storybook I was expecting a little more variety, but so far this seems to be working very well for you.
I read your third story today. I would really like to know why in the world Apollo felt the need to hit Patroclus on the head! I feel like that would be an interesting little story. Was it something he had done in the past to upset the god? I really want to know what the deal is with these boys and mutilating the bodies of dead people! Now that I know Hector mutilated Patroclus's body, I guess that I understand why Achilles felt the need to do it to Hector's body. However, I am glad to hear that Hades had a "special" place for them. I don't think that sort of thing should go unpunished.
I have really enjoyed your storybook this semester! I am hoping this isn't the end of it, but if it is, you did a great job!
Hey Jeremy, I am returning and so I will only talk about your later stories today. I loved your new take on the death of heroes and the point of view that you chose, so I had to come back!
I really enjoyed your story of how Achilles died. I thought it as a great contrast to the first story because of the difference of the Gods behavior in each story. The portrayal and description of the gods through the story of how Achilles became nearly immortal to their intervention in his death allowed for a much greater understanding of the gods than I had before. I thought it was interesting that the Gods tended to stay out of human affairs until the humans do something to upset the Gods. I guess the way Achilles treated Hector’s body would anger most gods.
I loved your third story and thought it fit in perfectly. The way that you jumped back in time, as if your narrator was jumping around while telling the story made it all seem that much more real. The stories emphasize that we should respect our dead, which is definitely something that is important. I thought it was a nice touch to say that Persephone did not know why Apollo stepped in. The story really ties everything together, good luck with trying to write a fourth!
Hi Jeremy, I really liked your title of your storybook. It’s very eye-catching! Your cover photo for your site is such a perfect fit for you storybook theme. Initially when I first saw the photo I wasn’t quite sure what it was then. Then suddenly noticing the pomegranate, it clicked that it was a portrayal of Persephone and Hades. I was further confirmed by your photo information you chose! Good choice. Your introduction did a good job at introducing the narrator of the story. I liked that you added a mini backstory to who Persephone was. I liked that your stories are all centered on one person so it makes it easier for the reader to understand what’s going on. I never read much about Achilles so your storybooks gave me good info on who he was and what he did. You went into very good detail with your descriptions and explained things very thoroughly. The images you chose were also very fitting to each pertaining story. Perhaps my favorite aspect of your stories are that they also give a glimpse into what Persephone is thinking. In each story a little bit of her personality is present which adds a nice flare to the story.
Thank you for commenting on my rhyming story about Jack and Jill. I am thrilled that you liked my poem. It took me forever to write and I was not incredibly confident in it, but people seemed to like it! Haha. It took me forever to figure out how to put so many nursery rhymes into one story and I’m glad you liked it.
Hey Jeremy, I thought that your cover page was very interesting. I think that it would be a bit more captivating if there was just one picture and if it was a bit larger. The two small pictures left the page feeling a little empty.
ReplyDeleteAs for the introduction page, I like the photo that you chose to use. It is a beautiful representation of Persephone! I also like how you set the seen through her eyes before actually introducing her as the narrator. I think that it will be interesting to see how your stories unfold. Having taken Latin in high school and learning a lot about Greek mythology, it will be fun to reread these stories through Persephone's eyes! I also think that it is fun to make Persephone's life as Hades wife in the underworld a bit more modern by having her work in a funeral home with her mother. One thing that I think you should add in your introduction is the characters that you will be talking about in your stories. I saw that your first one is of Achilles, but adding his name into the introduction would be good for the students who do not get to read all of your storybook to be able to know who all you plan to talk about!
Jeremy, you have taken a unique approach with the Storybook, and I love it. My family has owned a funeral home in Advance, MO for about 100 years, and the stories that my uncles and cousins tell me blow me away. In your case, the thought of encountering someone I had embalmed beforehand makes me reflect on how we treat people after they die. Do the spirits thank you? Do they feel slighted that you didn't treat them better? There are plenty of cool questions to consider. I'm sure police departments would love to have an Underworld informant like Persephone. I can't imagine getting better testimony from a victim who has nothing to lose upon his or her death.
ReplyDeleteThe color scheme of your coverpage and site seem to work well with the theme, and it looks like you chose appropriate images to back up the main idea. However, is there anyway you can limit the amount of white that shoes up with the images? I ask because I've encountered a similar problem with my coverpage. The outline of white tends to discourage me from choosing colored backgrounds. In any case, it is a very minor issue, and I do not think you should concern yourself with it too much.
Well Jeremy, you definitely got my attention after the first couple sentences! When Persephone was talking about preparing the dead bodies for their funerals and how she would see them every year for the rest of her life, it made me curious as to what she meant by that. I cannot wait to find out what that means. Your introduction is a perfect example of capturing the reader without telling them too much. That is exactly what the assignment called for, and you created an introduction that fit that criteria.
ReplyDeleteI also found it interesting that you decided to tell your storybook from the point of view of a coroner. It seems so dark and scary, and the colors of your site play perfectly on that theme.
I did find one typo in your introduction. The line "I used to by a beautiful, happy girl until I was captured while in a meadow." I am assuming you meant to say "I used to be..." but other than that little typo, your introduction and cover page look excellent. Great job and I look forward to knowing why Persephone will see all these dead bodies every year for the rest of her life!
Hey Jeremy, I think you might be better off with a bigger, more exciting picture for your cover page. A short explanation of the pictures may also be worth adding. The theme you chose is fitting as death is often associated with the color black. Your page has a very sleek vibe which I appreciate.
ReplyDeleteThe tone that you use when speaking as Persephone contains humor and made me chuckle a few times throughout the story. I enjoyed the take on her job as that of a funeral home worker. Being surrounded by death constantly would wear down on anyone's bubbly personality. I hope the stories of the dying mortals contain the same level of humor shown in your introduction. My imagination is already running wild! While it is only my own preference, you may want to try messing with the pictures and the placement on the page. I enjoy them centered to the writing and find them more appealing to the eyes. During the introduction and the cover page, a larger picture may be more attractive to the reader. I was a little confused as to the point of view for the story. Is Persephone set in historical times similar to the original story or is she a more modern version? Why does she have to spend her time away from Hades surrounded by death? I would imagine she would try to take a break from all of that. Is that perhaps due to spending so much time with Hades and developing feelings due to the nature of the high stress situation? I look forward to reading your stories!
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ReplyDeleteHi Jeremy!
ReplyDeleteI have to start by telling you that I love the title you chose for your storybook! It caught my attention and I decided you’d be my extra post for the week! I loved your introduction. I felt the irritation of Persephone with her fate right away and I’m glad you explained why she doesn’t like her plot in life! I was wondering why the gods and goddesses plotted against her though. Could you maybe add that to your introduction? Other than that, it was awesome! I really enjoyed your first story, too. That was really good. The story of this battle is a rather long one, but you managed to sum it up in a timely manner and kept my attention through the whole explanation! You also added Persephone’s attitude and voice in very nicely. I could hear her sass in there a bit! And I loved how you had this whole story affect her, too! She had to deal with the mangled body of Hector in bringing him to the underworld, so she is connected to the entire thing! I really can’t wait to read the rest of you stories in here, I’m sure they’re going to be great!
Jeremy, while I liked the color scheme and general vibe that you achieved with your cover page, I didn’t see the connection between both of the pictures and I think you may be better off to put the second one somewhere else. Navigation was fine and everything was marked clearly. I thought it was good that you explained Persephone’s situation before you introduced her. However, when you referred to Persephone as a funeral director, I was confused about whether or not you were trying to bring the stories into present day or not. I think you could clarify that. The image that you used in your introduction was good. I also think using Persephone as a narrator will make it easy for you to transition from story to story.
ReplyDeleteThe first thing I noticed about your first story was incongruent verb use in the second sentence. The sentence I’m referring to is: “From arrogant and selfish actions to interfering with my work, this story has plenty of details for us to explore!” If I remember correctly, you should either add a verb at the beginning (i.e. from performing arrogant and selfish actions) or modify the verb at the end (to interferences with my work) to make the two parts agree. I know that’s kind of a picky thing and I thought your writing was overall good!
Hey Jeremy,
ReplyDeleteI absolutely love Greek mythology, so you had me hooked from the get go! I like your overall premise too, because Greek mythology definitely has its fair share of tragic deaths. Persephone is a really interesting choice as your narrator. I am fairly familiar with her story, but I never knew that she was responsible for preparing the dead for their time in the underworld. It certainly gives her the perspective to comment on some of those famous deaths. You did a good job of giving enough of her back story that the reader will know who she is. I like the picture that you chose for her too. Your color scheme is dark and ominous which is totally fitting for the types of stories that you're telling.
Your first story is one of my favorite scenes from the Trojan War. Achilles definitely disrespects Hector's body, which is a huge no-no on those times. I think you did a good job of capturing how insulted Persephone would be due to Achilles' treatment of Hector's corpse. You have some minor grammar stuff that I saw, so it might help if you did a little more proofreading, but I thought it was really good overall.
Nice Job man!
Hey Jeremy! I really liked your theme the first time so I decided I had to come back for more! Right off the bat, one thing I noticed this time around was that you may want to change the title of your cover page. The full title of the overall website seems long and the extra lines in the navigation bar seem unnecessary. Perhaps a simple "Home" would suffice.
ReplyDeleteFor your first story, I loved the detail you go into about the whole thing. I have never thought about the disrespecting of dead bodies as something that a culture would see as such a detriment to their condition in the afterlife. One theme that may have been unintended is that your actions will always have an affect on someone's opinion of you, whether the action is intended or not. It would behoove everyone to always act respectfully and have integrity throughout life.
One thing that I think could improve your story would be to add more pictures. With your changes to the geography of the situation, it would help to see what terrain and surroundings they were venturing through during their battle. Perhaps a picture of the soldiers retreating would be another addition.
Great job, it was excellent!
Hey Jeremy,
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed your introduction! I could completely hear Persephone’s voice during the entire thing, and the complaining about her job was very humanizing, I mean who was not had someone complain to them am I right? Comparing the underworld to a funeral home was fantastic! The only other thing I would have thought of would have been the morgue, but that is not nearly as nice or comforting as a funeral home. Clarifying who she is, how she got there, and whom she was related to was incredibly helpful in understanding how exactly she was a Greek god and how she came to be. I would also like to note that I find it incredibly appropriate that you went with black as your theme color on your webpage… I mean we are talking about death, what better color to represent that! Your first story cracked me up! I love how she holds a grudge towards Achilles because he made her life and job so much more difficult! I could hear the annoyance in her voice. One thing I was slightly confused about was the ending to that story. So you talk about how Persephone was annoyed with Achilles, and the whole story is told by her, then all of the sudden her husband wants Achilles, yet there was nothing about her husband being aware of the incident. And wouldn’t she want nothing more than for Achilles to go down to the underworld too? All in all, I really enjoyed your stories! They were told very well and had great voice in them, especially in your main character. Looking forward to possibly reading more of your work in the future.
Hey Jeremy! What a great topic... I'm doing my storybook over Persephone as well! She's such an interesting character. I love it because I took a totally different direction than you, but I really like how you've created your storybook and stories. It's awesome that we can both take the same basic storyline but totally change how Persephone sees the events that happen. I'm sure you will read it soon for your comments, but in mine Persephone is more happy about where she ends up as Queen. I liked your overall theme and color choice, it is really fitting to the story and how you want to portray her feelings. I like your introduction and how you present her situation and how she feels about it. I think your first story was great! It really portrays the excitement and energy of battle. Her thoughts and feelings are really detailed and descriptive. One thing, I almost wish there was more mention of the gods in your first story. Hades is just mentioned in the end, but maybe you could include some commentary during about Hades seeing this? I know it mostly expresses Persephone's feelings, but since Hades is mentioned in the end it might be helpful to understand why Hades wants Achilles so badly. Overall, you made reading the story very entertaining and fun. I liked your second story as well. It was cool to see the intervention by the gods to change the original plot. I think it's a clever way to incorporate your characters into the story. I think you did a great job on this storybook! One suggestion might be to find more action-like pictures for the stories. Especially the first. But I know (from experience) that finding pictures of Persephone and the gods is really difficult, because most of them are painting or sculptures. I just think it might aid visually to your storyline. In general, I think you did a great job and made the stories interesting and entertaining. I look forward to reading more of them!
ReplyDeleteJeremy, I just wanted to take a moment to say thank you for all of your positive feedback! I’m glad you found my storybook interesting and your comments made me feel like I was on the right track with all this! I did take your advice to sprinkle in some more commentary from the zoo animals, so thank you for that! I hope the rest of your semester goes smoothly!
ReplyDeleteHey Jeremy, I just wanted to say thank you for all of your positive comments on my blog. You've given me good direction in both pointing out things that I should fix as well as positive encouragement for things that you feel I have done right. Thanks a bunch, man!
ReplyDeleteJeremy,
ReplyDeleteI chose to read your storybook as my bonus for this week because your title interested me the most. I love Greek Mythology and if there is ever a time or chance that I get to read stories about Greek Heroes then I’m all in.
I like you cover page. It looks dark and menacing for some reason, and the picture looks strange in an evil type of way. It looks like the devil or demon is guiding this young girl into making bad decisions. I don’t know, that is just my interpretation of it, but it looks great.
Your Introduction is great! Interesting how you made Persephone the main speaker of your storybook. I almost forgot that she was the “unwilling” wife of hades so I can only imagine that the hates to be in the underworld as well as her job. I think it is cool how you introduced the way you will be telling your different stories by letting Persephone tell all of the stories she heard from other souls while being in the underworld.
I know your first story very well and I find it interesting that you told it from Persephone’s point of view. Before when I read the original I was happy for Achilles the whole time. Now, I understand why Persephone would be so angry about the way Achilles treated Hector after he died. It sounds like something bad is going to happen. Your first story is great! Keep up the good work.
Hey there Jeremy,
ReplyDeleteTo start off, I love the picture you have for your cover page! It really sets your theme very well. Since Hades is the god of the underworld, it really makes since to have him on the cover page. I never really thought of Persephone as a funeral director. When she leaves the underworld for spring/summer, who takes over for her? You really have a fantastic introduction. It really captures the audience's attention. Your first story about Achilles and Hector almost makes me glad that someone hit his heel. However, it sounds like Hector was kind of a jerk as well. He didn't deserve Achilles celebrating his death though. I think it is interesting that you decided to tell this story in a present tense. I tried to do that in one of my stories and that was definitely a difficult task. I think it is interesting that you used another story with Achilles. You set it up pretty well at the end of the first story saying "my husband couldn't wait until the great Achilles entered his realm." I guess this showed the gods revenge. There are a lot of different tragic stories in Greek Mythology, and those stories are definitely some of my favorites. I am really looking forward to what other stories you will have Persephone share with us!
Hey Jeremy,
ReplyDeleteI wanted to first say that I really liked your cover page. I have a lot of friends that are into anime and I really liked that you used it in your cover page as an introduction to what your charters look like! Your color theme for your storybook worked very well for your theme. I like that it was very dark and somewhat ominous.
After I read your introduction I was pretty much hooked to keep reading. I think you did a really fantastic job in that aspect. I also really liked that you made Persephone the main speaker of your storybook project. I think that will be a wise decision.
I liked all of your stories that you have up! They were great. I read through them and I really do love the changes you have made to the originals. I think you are doing a great job with your storybook project! Keep up the good Work!
Your storybook has a pretty interesting theme, and I think that the home page fits it very well. I like the dark colors you use, and the drawing that you got looks more like a teenage romance novel than a Greek tragedy, but I like it. I am assuming from the picture that you will write about Persephone at some point, though I am not sure yet if you have based on your page titles.
ReplyDeleteYour introduction is cool, and it is a great idea to have Persephone as the narrator since she is the only live person to be able to see the dead so often in the Greek myths. I think you are missing a couple of commas but nothing too bad.
The first story of Hector getting killed by Achilles is one that I have had to read several times in school. I actually thought of this one while reading the intro, and I think it was a wise choice for this theme. I like the narrator complaining about the treatment of the body since she is supposed to work at a funeral home. Also, mentioning how Hades didn't like Achilles was a nice touch.
The second story was a good choice, since it is basically just the next major death in the storyline. I enjoyed how your narrator has consistently not like Achilles but still does not react much when he dies. She gives off the sense that she has spent so much time with the dead that she really understands it and its inevitability.
The third story definitely has more attitude from the narrator than the first two, but I like it. The order that you put them in is not chronological, but I think that these stories are popular enough that it doesn't really matter. And this way it gives the reader two different experiences to the same characters. At first they might not like Achilles, but after this story they may change their mind and decide that he was justified. Overall, you have done a really good job with these stories.
ReplyDeleteHello Jeremy!
The cover page is really pretty, but I was a little confused as to why it was there. The title at the top “Stories of a Funeral Director” made me realize this is very much about Hades and so that cleared it up, but it’s a very romantic picture for a thing about tragic death.
Introduction has a wonderful opening line, absolutely fantastic! Oh, I was also apparently wrong, this is about Persephone and not Hades. Neat idea. I am also confused as to why Demeter runs a funeral home, but it may just be part of the world you created so whatever. Also, the intro ends on an oddly happy note compared to the rest of it. Little weird, but it works.
I wasn’t quite expecting the stories to all be centered around Achilles. In my opinion there are certainly more tragic deaths in Greek mythology than those ones, but your choices do make for a nice common theme. You tell the stories really well, and the touches of Persephone’s personal thoughts are wonderful. They sound like she’s actually telling them, and your tense and transitions are wonderfully handled.
Since you ended with both having a special position in the underworld, why not continue the Epic theme and tell of when Odysseus visits the underworld in book 11 of The Odyssey and has a chat with Achilles. You could have Persephone rant and rage about how arrogant Achilles is even in death.
Or, another option could be how Achilles ends up falling in love with Cassandra (the Amazonian queen) literally seconds before he kills her, and then starts in on his moping and crying again. You could do a more sympathetic view on this, or have Persephone completely unimpressed.
Hello Jeremy, I had the privilege of reading your story book this week. As far as your cover page is concerned, it looks good but almost a little too bare. You may consider adding something such as a quote or something along those lines to really bring it to life and make the reader more intrigued by what they will be reading. Also, you may want to change the sidebar on the left, because all of the words kind of mesh together and it makes it difficult to understand how many stories you have, and what it is labeled as. As far as your stories go, they are very well written and interesting. I especially liked your introduction. I thought it brought the main character to life and introduced what you would be talking about in the rest of your storybook. The first story however, you may want to consider changing the beginning of. There was almost way too much information thrown at the reader in the first few paragraphs. I understand you did that to catch the reader up, but it ended up just sounding confusing and making me not really want to continue reading. That information may be better as a note or something along those lines. Or maybe just consider condensing it more. Other than that I thought you did a great job on your storybook and you can tell you have put a lot of hard work into it! Great job and keep up the amazing work! :)
ReplyDeleteJeremy,
ReplyDeleteI have decided to read your storybook for my free choice this week. I am a fan of Greek mythology, so naturally I was drawn to your storybook. I was also interested in what would make the deaths so “fantastically tragic.”
I like the welcome page to your storybook. The color schemes you have chosen are definitely dark and death-like. I also like the picture your have chosen. Based on the titles I see on the navigation bar, I don’t think I will be reading about Persephone and Hades, but Hades is always a harbinger of death. Also, the apple has many allusions to death.
After reading the introduction, my beginning assumption that Persephone an Hades will not be involved was corrected. I like the background information you gave us on the storyteller. Now we know why she has so many stories about death.
I do like how Persephone holds personal opinions about the event that transpire in
“Achilles and the Treatment of Hector.” Even the title shifts emphasis to the part of the story that Persephone would focus her attention on. I was surprised to see that Achilles remained unharmed after his arrogant refusal of help from Athena.
I think you’ve done a great job with your storybook!
Hey Jeremy,
ReplyDeleteI'm back to hear about some tragic Greek deaths! I remember reading your story about how Achilles treated Hector's body after he killed him, and I really enjoyed it, so I figured that I would come back to read about whoever is next to die. How fitting is it that Achilles' death follows Hector's? I think that that is great choice haha. I also really enjoy how Persephone is so disdainful of Paris. I, for one, definitely did not like Paris, and I completely think that he was not heroic at all. You are right though, he does kill Achilles, which is certainly something to be proud of. I really like Persephone's views on this whole ordeal. This story was great!
I'm so glad that you gave the back story of why Achilles was so angry with Hector! In some small way, it excuses Achilles behavior. In fact, I heard a lecture last year from a professor that thought Patroclus may have actually been Achilles' gay lover. That would definitely explain why Achilles was so mad about his death. I still don't think that Hector deserved to have his body treated so poorly, but I have no idea what Achilles was really feeling. Your stories are great, so keep it up!
Hey, Jeremy. Let me start by saying I like the layout of your cover page and your introduction page. The introduction made me so sad for Persephone. You said it perfectly that she is forever surrounded by death. She spends six months with Hades and her other six months are spent in the funeral home. What a completely morbid existence.
ReplyDeleteI enjoyed your first story of Achilles and Hector in the battle at Troy. This has long been a favorite story of mine as well from The Iliad. It’s great stuff and I think you taking “free rein,” as you said, of the details really added to the intensity of the moment.
I absolutely adore Greek mythology. My mother wrote an excellent paper on the topic when she was in college. It was so good that the professor extended her an invitation to go on an archaeological dig. So, reading your stories is a real joy for me. You definitely take the opportunity to make the stories your own, but you never fail to leave in the important details that make Greek Mythology so FANTASTIC!! Achilles is one of my favorite stories and if only Thetis had dunked him in completely, there would have been a totally different outcome in the Trojan War.
Great storytelling, Jeremy. I enjoyed your storybook very much.
Hi, Jeremy! I love the idea of your storybook. I love mythology, especially Greek, and am excited to see what you do with the theme. The picture on your cover page was great for the look of the storybook. Your introduction was interesting and made me want to continue reading. I love the idea of Persephone telling the stories of the deceased. You also did good giving some background on her life, which showed why she is such a great narrator for the stories.
ReplyDeleteOne thing I noticed in the first story, is the print seems either smaller or a different font than the other pages. It’s a little harder to read than the others. Besides that, I thought the story was good. I liked the perspective that Persephone put on the story, especially at the end when you included how angry she was about Achilles tearing up the body.
Your second story was also well written. I do like that you included divine intervention in this story, especially after Persephone talked about how Paris wasn’t nearly the warrior Hector or Achilles was. I thought Apollo guiding the arrow was a great display of this. Also, you did great keeping in Persephone’s perspective and giving the background of why Achilles’ ankle was his only weakness.
Good job so far with your storybook!
Jeremy, I really liked reading your storybook this week! The title was a hook in and of itself; Greek mythology has always been a topic that has interested me, and there are certainly some great stories about both heroic and horrific deaths within that genre. The title page did a good job foreshadowing the storybook. I really liked the artwork that you chose--it was romantic in a haunting way, and (this may have been my imagination, but) I could almost see the sadness in Persephone's eyes, which you express and elaborate later on.
ReplyDeleteI liked that you set up your story so that Persephone was the narrator, and I thought it was interesting that you chose her profession to be a caretaker at a funeral home--how imaginative! Usually, when I think about Persephone, I picture a ruler of the underworld who doesn't do more than just sit in a throne. I like her storytelling style--the way you frame the rest of the tales is intriguing and makes the reader want to continue.
I appreciated the consistency in your tone and narration techniques. You established Persephone's voice at the beginning and the word choice and style are invariable throughout each story. Each tale was informative and it is clear that you researched the background to every story. I was really impressed by all the detail about Achilles's birth and childhood--that is not something that is commonly found in textbooks, and it was very interesting to learn about!
Overall, great job with your storybook!
Jeremy,
ReplyDeleteThis week, I chose your story book as one of my free choices and I was so excited to read it! The name of your book really caught my eye when looking through the list. I am a big history buff so I was really intrigued that you were going to write diaries of famous individuals of society's greatest heroes.
I liked that the overall "look" of your blog is very simple. I think it is very easy to go overboard on the crazy colors, fonts, and images, but I liked that you kept it simple. Most journals and diaries are also quite simple so I think that was a nice touch whether you meant it that way or not.
Your introduction was awesome! What a fun way for the diary to be discovered! I love that you used a lot of dialogue. I think you did it really well, which is something I really struggle with in my storytelling, so I am very jealous of that!
In the individual stories, I LOVED that you kept the original frame story a part of them. That is something I really enjoy (I'm doing that in my storybook as well!) so I love when there is a story within a story. I think it is a really creative way for a story to be told through the eyes of another.
Overall, I think you did a really great job and I definitely enjoyed reading your story book!
Jeremy,
ReplyDeleteI decided to come back and read more of your storybook and check out what you have gotten to add since I read last! I think it is really interesting that each story you have chosen has something to do with Achilles. When I first read the title of your storybook I was expecting a little more variety, but so far this seems to be working very well for you.
I read your third story today. I would really like to know why in the world Apollo felt the need to hit Patroclus on the head! I feel like that would be an interesting little story. Was it something he had done in the past to upset the god? I really want to know what the deal is with these boys and mutilating the bodies of dead people! Now that I know Hector mutilated Patroclus's body, I guess that I understand why Achilles felt the need to do it to Hector's body. However, I am glad to hear that Hades had a "special" place for them. I don't think that sort of thing should go unpunished.
I have really enjoyed your storybook this semester! I am hoping this isn't the end of it, but if it is, you did a great job!
Hey Jeremy, I am returning and so I will only talk about your later stories today. I loved your new take on the death of heroes and the point of view that you chose, so I had to come back!
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed your story of how Achilles died. I thought it as a great contrast to the first story because of the difference of the Gods behavior in each story. The portrayal and description of the gods through the story of how Achilles became nearly immortal to their intervention in his death allowed for a much greater understanding of the gods than I had before. I thought it was interesting that the Gods tended to stay out of human affairs until the humans do something to upset the Gods. I guess the way Achilles treated Hector’s body would anger most gods.
I loved your third story and thought it fit in perfectly. The way that you jumped back in time, as if your narrator was jumping around while telling the story made it all seem that much more real. The stories emphasize that we should respect our dead, which is definitely something that is important. I thought it was a nice touch to say that Persephone did not know why Apollo stepped in. The story really ties everything together, good luck with trying to write a fourth!
Hi Jeremy,
ReplyDeleteI really liked your title of your storybook. It’s very eye-catching! Your cover photo for your site is such a perfect fit for you storybook theme. Initially when I first saw the photo I wasn’t quite sure what it was then. Then suddenly noticing the pomegranate, it clicked that it was a portrayal of Persephone and Hades. I was further confirmed by your photo information you chose! Good choice. Your introduction did a good job at introducing the narrator of the story. I liked that you added a mini backstory to who Persephone was. I liked that your stories are all centered on one person so it makes it easier for the reader to understand what’s going on. I never read much about Achilles so your storybooks gave me good info on who he was and what he did. You went into very good detail with your descriptions and explained things very thoroughly. The images you chose were also very fitting to each pertaining story. Perhaps my favorite aspect of your stories are that they also give a glimpse into what Persephone is thinking. In each story a little bit of her personality is present which adds a nice flare to the story.
Thank you for commenting on my rhyming story about Jack and Jill. I am thrilled that you liked my poem. It took me forever to write and I was not incredibly confident in it, but people seemed to like it! Haha. It took me forever to figure out how to put so many nursery rhymes into one story and I’m glad you liked it.
ReplyDelete